Whirlwind

I feel like almost every part of me is changing/ has changed in the past year. People aren’t kidding when they say 18 is all about change and decisions. It’s been a whirlwind and my feet barely seem to touch the ground before I’m spun around again.

I graduated.

We moved from the house I grew up in.

I finished with the theater group that’s been so influential in my life. (18 shows! Such a gift.)

I went from a potential nursing student at the big university in town to not being a student at all to taking up accounting at our community college.

I’ve been saying goodbye to so many of my dear friends who are following God’s plans for their lives at colleges around the country.

And… I started dating the boy I’ve had a major crush on for years.

It’s been a wild, beautiful year. It’s been a journey of learning how weak I am and how strong He is, how He is my steady place, my rock, my shelter from the storm, how no matter what happens and all life’s changes, my identity is in Him, He never lets go, and I am His precious daughter. Because….

When the scheduled first eighteen years (elementary school, then middle school, then high school) of my life are over, He’s known every plan from the beginning.

While my residence changes here on earth, my heavenly inheritance stays the same.

My theater group may have been a huge part of my social life, but God has woven a beautiful story of trust and patience and people will enter into and walk away as He wills.

Fulltime college may be overwhelming, but I have strength from the only source of Real Strength.

My friends may find new homes and new adventures and new friends, but the True Friend will never leave me or forsake me.

And as crazy and wild as this blending of hearts and planning for the future is, my First Love keeps my heart in His hands and loves me always.

///

As I start this new adventure of fulltime college + part time job + maintaining relationships and my sanity through it all, I’m looking forward to a consistent schedule and finding time to write. I’m pulling back from what drains me (Facebook, certain blogs, continual texting and checking my phone) and drawing nearer the things that bring me life (my Bible, stillness, prayer, healthy food, Instagram, writing, quiet deep evenings with my boy), in hope of being filled with the joy and rest of Jesus as I work hard.

I want to live life well, to finish my days tired and happy, to squeeze every bit of blessing out of my life that I can. My version of living fully is a lot quieter and slower than most people’s, and I’m learning to accept that. I’m learning that that’s okay. I’m learning that people can see Jesus reflected in my life not because of my striving, but because of His goodness and His Spirit in me. The Holy Spirit speaks in whispers.

May every moment of my life whisper His Name.

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