The days are moving steadily, some quickly, some slow. Sometimes it’s a whirl, an exclamation, a “Wow, it’s Friday already!” Sometimes it’s only Tuesday morning when it should be Thursday night. Sometimes, I find myself saying “I’m ready for the weekend,” before realizing that it’s Sunday evening and the weekend has passed. (True story.) Such is life, isn’t it? The good days, the bad, they move on at a steady pace, never stopping, only pushing forward.
My life is pushing forward.
We were talking to them separately after church last Sunday when she finally leaned over to her husband and said “Let’s just all go out for lunch! I’d like pizza.” and our hearts cried “yes!” In this stage of being teenagers and engaged, there aren’t many people in this season of life who are right alongside us. We crave group fellowship, friendship, to be involved and active in the lives of other young engaged and newly married couples. Our heart’s desire is to hear your stories, to pray with and for you, to grow together.
We feel so lonely.
To pizza we went, and we heard about their wedding and honeymoon, and talked about jobs and commitments and twins and life. It wasn’t until afterwards in the car that I confessed “That was scary. But it felt good. We need people right here.”
School and work sucked up my evenings this semester until I only had three left. My only nights to have dinner with my family are Friday through Sunday, and I miss it. Coming home to people scattered through out the house and heating up my dinner to eat by myself on the barstools is never the same. I fight for those dinners, the ones where we’re all together. I never knew to cherish them until they were gone. Until they became numbered. I get married in 203 days. There are many less family dinners all together than that left.
My days in this house are winding down. We planned to build it for so long, and I remember Dad saying “I guess we’ll try to have it done before you graduate and leave us.”
We moved May 16th, 12 days before I walked down the aisle with the class of 2015. In the past year and a half, this big gray house has been home for so much: the majority of my relationship with Andy, hosting people for dinner and parties and bonfires, homework and reading and cooking in our white kitchen and family gathered around the table. I left this house 4 times within a period of 8 months to attend a funeral, which seemed so cruel and sad. I dressed for three weddings in this house, and I’ll bring my own wedding dress home to it next week. As much as I grew up in the 10 years on Cross Country, this house is where I became an adult, a woman in my own right. It’s here I’ll leave for the last time as Lindsey Solomon on June 2nd, and only be Lindsey Sivils from that day on. 203 days left right here. I don’t want to miss them.
We’ve made so much progress in wedding planning the last few weeks: secured a caterer, asked Andy’s uncle to marry us, answered the housing question, began asking people to stand up with us, took engagement pictures. There are so many things yet to do, but when I raise my head, it’s right here where I want to be. Right here is what I want to remember. These people: family, friends, fiance’, all around me. This house. This season. This love. This happiness. I feel truly full of joy for the first time in a long time, and as each day passes, I want to choose to be right here.
Because right here is only lasting 203 more days.